Lehman, D. R., Ellard, J. H., & Wortman, C. B. (1986). Social support for the bereaved: Recipients& #39; and providers& #39; perspectives on what is helpful.

Interviewed 40 people (mean age 44 yrs) who had lost a spouse and 54 people (mean age 42 yrs) who had lost a child in a motor vehicle accident 4–7 yrs earlier to gather information concerning support attempts from others that were helpful and unhelpful. Support attempts most frequently mentioned as helpful were contact with a similar other and opportunity to express feelings; those most frequently mentioned as unhelpful were giving advice and encouraging recovery. To understand better the unhelpful support attempts, comparisons were made with 100 control Ss’ reports of what they would do or say to help a bereaved person. The possibility that unhelpful support attempts occur because people do not know what to say to bereaved persons seems implausible in view of the enlightened responses given by controls. The close correspondence between bereaved Ss’ reports of how recovered they felt and control respondents’ estimates of how recovered the bereaved would be suggests that unhelpful support attempts are not based on misconceptions about recovery. These findings indicate that factors inherent in the transaction between the bereaved and potential supporters should be addressed in future research concerned with understanding support attempts that fail.

 

 

http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.54.4.438